Lost Blueprint

LOST BLUEPRINT: Serious, slanted, fictional journalism


Meeting the Queen of Mediocrity

by Paint Thompson
Guest Blogger

Today we are sitting with the queen of mediocrity, Vivian van Vivigem. Perhaps you know Vivian from such brilliant defeats as Girl #3 in the hardly seen film, "Justice Has A Way of Blowing," or as Nurse in the film, "I'll Kill You After I Gouge Out Your Eyeballs." Unknown as much for her acting as her painting, interpretive dancing, and creative use of balloon animals at parties, Vivian has recently turned her talents to sports. It's quite possible you've seen her at the Montrose Avenue tennis courts getting nailed by flying green balls, or at the Welles Park pool sinking stunningly in the deep end.

Paint Thompson: Vivian, explain your latest adventure.

Vivian van Vivigem: It's referred to as cycling, but really it's just bike racing.

PT: Tell us how you got started.

VVV: I stole a bike. Then I had to get on it when the owner started chasing me. That's when it occurred to me that there was a whole culture I had yet to break into with my astounding mediocrity.

PT: Tell us your philosophy of mediocrity and how you've come to be so good at being so average.

VVV: You can't just be mediocre, you've got to want it. You have to practice. When I was acting, could I have gotten one of those lead roles? Yes, certainly. But you've got to stop yourself. You have to recognize that going-for-it spirit and squash it. You have to train for it.

PT: So, how does this philosophy apply to your newest adventure?

VVV: It doesn't. Cycling is difficult and I suck at it, so I actually have to try hard to reach mediocre. It's been quite an eye-opening experience for me. Whereas I usually set a goal and stop when I've reached the half-way mark, now I am actually pushing myself to reach the goal.

PT: Sure, but, what if you push too hard and end up on the other side of mediocrity, heading for good?

VVV: Huh. Good question. I am known as a goal achiever . . .

PT: . . . and passing up mediocre and heading towards good would certainly upset many of your fans who have come to depend upon your consistent averageness.

VVV: Yeah, well, they're losers. The more interesting issue, I think, is what does one do when one is inadvertently good at something? Suppose I race this weekend and I win. What does that say about who I am and my place in the world?

PT: It says you're a winner.

VVV: It also says the other racers are losers. My fear is that I get too good, you know, become the best, and then what will I have? No more Queen of Mediocrity, I can tell you that. Think of the terrible loss in sponsorship dollars.

PT: Perhaps you should quit.

VVV: Perhaps.