Petition to Eradicate "Obfuscation"

by Buckshot Lamont
Language Lover

While recently compiling an anthology of my essays, I came across my column from this much-maligned but integrity-filled blog, Lost Blueprint (Out of Context, 3.14.06). Upon reaching the section regarding the phrase "eschew obfuscation," I started to realize something.

"Obfuscation," the word, not the meaning, should be outlawed. I do not mean the word should be made illegal and therefore force unknowing users of the word into the much-maligned but not-integrity-filled prison system. I mean, it should literally be outlawed as in, run out of town by drunk cowboys with shotguns. There should probably be someone with a gold star on his chest imitating a sheriff as well. "Obfuscation" is a big word, it will need to be run out of town by a sheriff and a posse. It will also need its own horse. Probably something gray that melts into the shadows. Anyway, I digress. We just want obfuscation out of town, we don't care how it gets there.

I will draw up the petition to have this word outlawed and this is why I think you should sign it: say the word aloud and then let me know how absolutely stupid you feel. Try using it in a sentence. In fact, try using it in a sentence during a conversation with people you are trying to impress:

You: Well, sir, while drawing up the plans to bridge connectivity between the workforce and the technological automatons that will inevitably replace said workforce, we decided to do away with obfuscation and simply tell the people they are unnecessary.
Sir: Do away with what?
You: Obfuscation.
Sir: What?
You: Um . . .
Sir: You're fired, dipshit.

And then where will you be? You'll be one fired automatonless simpleton.

I am sure the intelligent readership of Lost Blueprint can see what I am saying about this. Just send a comment to this post and I will be happy to send you the petition for obfuscation eradication, tentatively titled, "The Petition for Obfuscation Eradication."

Transpose boldly, people.