Letters to the Editor

Periodically, we like to print some of the letters we receive in the mail at the Lost Blueprint office. We want you to think you have a voice in our publication. You do not, of course, but we would like you to think you do.


Dear Lost Blueprint,
I have been a faithful reader of your publication for as many years as you've been around, but I gotta say your lack of fiction is god damned frustrating (Blog Description, home page). I'm not pulling my subscription or nothing, but I do expect an occasional tale of woe or sorted yarn of lust and vengeance, even a light-hearted romp with bunnies and tortoises for fuck's sake. Gimme something, you hear? I say good day to you, sirs (and madams)!

With piss & vinegar,
Darnel H. Sasser


Dear Lost Blueprint,
Is it editorial policy that your columnists must mention cycling in their columns? What the hell is cycling anyway?

Poetically,
Texarkana Tex

The Editorial Board responds: "Cycling" is a euphemism for suffering. Apparently, there are demented individuals in the world who claim cycling is a sport, but they wear lycra and why would you believe someone who wears lycra? The Blog Host is a passionate devotee of suffering (she actually starts drooling when drivetrains and smooth pavement are mentioned) and so we are obligated to mention the "sport" regularly. By the way, we are aware that cycling cannot definitively be called a sport as there is no ball and there are no clearly marked, chalk-white lines delineating the field of play. However, we encourage the myth that cycling is legitimate because as the suffering season progresses, the Blog Host will show up at the Lost Blueprint office on Monday mornings half dead from exhaustion and dehydration. This will make the coup that much easier to stage.


Dear Editorial Board,
I am so firing your asses.

Yours truly,
Kim Morris
The Blog Host


Dear Lost Blueprint,
I take issue with Prissy McMouth's piece regarding umbrella etiquette (Umbrella Etiquette for Urbanites, 3.12.2006). I leave my wet umbrella wherever I want because it is not just an umbrella, it is a friend. That does not make me a dirty fucker.

Cordially,
I.AM. Sam


Dear Lost Blueprint,
The overwhelming stench of marijuana smoke emanating from Buckshot Lamont's office is as offensive as his insufferable agreeableness. No one is that happy.

Fuck you,
Prissy McMouth


Dear Lost Blueprint,
Please ask Razz Trumble to contact me. I am interested in signing a hippie jam band and I think Please Don't Shave My Hairy Butt has enormous marketing potential (Mice on Toast, 3.11.2006).

Thanks,
Swanky McNerd