LuLu LaRue With Your Movie Review

by LuLu LaRue
Movie Reviewer

Movie: "The Kid Stays in the Picture"

This is a documentary about film producer Robert Evans, written by Robert Evans, and more than likely produced by Robert Evans. Robert Evans really loves Robert Evans. He has brilliantly mastered the fine art of speaking in Dashiell Hammet dialogue (upon passing his phone number to a woman at a bar he says, "Heaven is just seven digits away, baby.")(That may not be a direct quote--I found myself trying desperately not to puke throughout the majority of this movie).

Robert Evans has had quite a life. A true fighter. He's produced some well-known movies: "Love Story," "Chinatown," "The Godfather." He's had to fight to get them all made. He screwed up his marriage with Ali McGraw because he was trying so hard to get a movie made. He knows how to handle the big guys. He is one of the big guys. He's been around forever. He had a stroke. He survived it. He'll probably survive a nuclear war. The world will be left with Robert Evans and a bunch of roaches. It would be hard on the roaches.

On the upside, the visuals are cool. Photographs of really cool Hollywood people with backgrounds fading away from the focal point, who, of course, is Robert Evans. If you were tripping on acid and you felt like watching a movie, maybe these visuals would be cool. But only if you've already tripped out to"Fantasia."

Don't rent this, there are better things to do. Like watch paint dry.