Mice on Toast

by Razz Trumble
Music Guy

I have decided that I am going to start a punk band and name it Mice on Toast. Our schtick will be that we eat what seems to be live mice onstage while screaming into microphones about man's inhumanity to man. The media will pick up on this much like it did with Ozzy Osborne and the bat and we will be vilified in the press for eating live rodents, who of course are living beings and should therefore escape the very inhumanity our band decries.

Then smoking gun will do some research and find out that really, we are not eating live mice on stage, but large chunks of cheese molded to look like mice and the smoking gun will also find out that we are eating large chunks of cheese in an effort to maintain our protein levels because, they will find, we are not a hard-core punk band that parties excessively and takes pride in throwing up, but actually straight edge punks hell bent on achieving excellence in endurance sports.

The straight-edge punks will hate us by that point for having hidden our straight edgeness and they will go on record talking about how it is a shame that there is a stigma out in the world that would require humans to hide their protein consumption, especially when their eventual aim is to succeed at such harsh sports as bicycle racing. But by that point, I will have already disbanded Mice on Toast and will have started a hippie jam band. I will name this band Please Don't Shave My Hairy Butt.