CRIME CHICAGO STYLE

by Prissy McMouth

Alderman Arenda Troutman has been busted for bribery, among other things. Nonplussed Chicagoans want to know, "When will that gaping pothole at Wells and Jackson be filled?" They also want to know, "Huh? WHEN?"

After an unofficial poll taken by Lost Blueprint interns wherein we interviewed Stan the security guard and that cute guy who works at the coffee place, we have discovered that the recent charges leveled against Troutman are not about criminal behavior. The problem, the population seems to believe, is the rules. Cute coffee guy said, "Aren't they [Ed: we're thinking he was referring to the politicians, but he's usually stoned, so maybe he meant the little green men hiding in the cream dispenser?] all a bunch of crooks? Why not just make being a crook cool? Problem solved." He followed with this gem of wisdom: "That'll be $3.25."

Anyway, let's face it. The real crime here isn't bribery. It's that hat she wore to her initial appearance in federal court.