Aboot Toon

by Prissy McMouth

Some niblets of fun going on around Chicago this weekend and next week. So much to do, it demands the use of exclamation marks! Check it out:

* The Chicago Historical Society is no longer a society, now it's a museum, The Chicago History Museum! Identity crisis? Pshaw! Go be museumful at their Grand Reopening!

* Cool Redmoon Theater coolness--orchards, twilight, tree houses, only 7 days!

* Occidental Brothers jamming, man. At The Charleston! Saturday night!

* Reading Under the Influence--get drunk, get stories told to you, hear Megan read her cool shit! Wednesday, Oct. 4.

* The Dollar Store--more stories, more alcohol, more FUN! Claire Zulkey's reading!

The world is your oyster, people, go eat it. We mean, go eat it!!

Why Aren't the Sox in the Playoffs?

by Paint Thompson

It is absolutely shocking to this reporter that the glorious Chicago White Sox are not in the playoffs. According to a Chicago White Sox representative that I did not interview, the reason the team is not playing in the post season is, "Because we're not. Geez."

More insightful comments came from the following people I did interview:

Mike in the mailroom: "Relief pitching. The relief pitchers fucked up."

Sheila in the cafeteria: "Honey, they just kept messin' up. And they had that string of bad luck back, when was that? Well, they had that string of bad luck. And that candy bar ain't free, you know."

Jeremy, officemate: "Who cares? Cubs rule!"

Clearly, Jeremy is a monster.

The Stunning Conclusion of "They Shoot Messengers, Too" Is Now Posted on Cracked Black Pepper. Check It Out.

"THEY SHOOT MESSENGERS, TOO"

PART THREE

JUST POSTED ON CRACKED BLACK PEPPER!

FRESH FICTION!

PART TWO OF "THEY SHOOT MESSENGERS, TOO" NOW POSTED ON

CRACKED BLACK PEPPER

"THEY SHOOT MESSENGERS, TOO"

PART ONE

NEW SHORT STORY

POSTED ON CRACKED BLACK PEPPER

Apparently, Jesus Loves Us All

by Lost Blueprint Editorial Board

The Lost Blueprint Editorial Board was recently informed that Jesus loves us. This is good news as we were quite concerned about a Higher Being and His Love For Us.

This profound and imperative information was dispersed via a very passionate woman dressed in a pink suit who embarked on Brown Line run 417 on Thursday evening, Bible in hand, passion in eyes, voice proud and loud.

According to the pink-suited woman, Jesus loves fornicators, drug abusers, and adulterers, all of which the pink-suited woman has been at one time or another. The pink-suited woman also wore black nylons with slip-on Adidas flip flops, so the Lost Blueprint Editorial Board is sure the woman spoke with Jesus on a regular basis.

Before launching into her resonant and melodious readings from the book of Ezekial and the book of Corinthians, the pink-suited woman informed the car of Souls Yet To Be Saved that she did not come to our places of work and "mess with" us, so she expected us not to "mess with her at her work." The Lost Blueprint Editorial Board can confirm that, no, the pink-suited woman has never, at any time, come to the Lost Blueprint office, nor has she ever "messed with" the Lost Blueprint Editorial Board, or any employees, freelancers, or contractors of Lost Blueprint.

The pink-suited woman concluded with a sing-song blessing wherein we were all told "there is still time" and we are all loved by Jesus. "Thank you," she said, wiping her forehead, "I gotta transfer to the Red Line now. I gotta rest for tomorrow." And off she went.

The Lost Blueprint Editorial Board, with its collective, critical, cultural eye, has come to the following conclusions:
1. The pink-suited woman really, really loves Jesus
2. Jesus's insistence on loving fornicators, drug abusers, and adulterers suggests that perhaps Jesus should start looking for a new circle of friends
3. What are you so passionate about that you would sing about it on the el during rush hour?

Finally, to the girl who cracked her gum throughout the entire sermon, you are so going to Hell.