GOD KILLS JERRY FALWELL

by Prissy McMouth

Speaking from his penthouse office in the northwest corner of Heaven, God discussed his decision to end preacher/hater Jerry Falwell's life. "Too much yammering," God said. "You humans. Out of all the life in all the galaxies I've created, you humans are the only ones who can't figure out when to shut up."

A spokesangel for God excused the Almighty, citing a recent lack of creative energy and plumbing problems in the north wing as reasons for His blunt behavior. "But, really, we don't need to explain ourselves to you," the spokesangel told the press corps.