Lost Blueprint

LOST BLUEPRINT: Serious, slanted, fictional journalism



by PhD McGee
Conspiracy Theorist


They tap dance around you like they are trying to be entertaining, but certainly their little tappy toes are doing more than tapping out the funky back beat of some funky pigeon rock song. They are quite clearly communicating something--perhaps to each other, perhaps to those of us enlightened souls who choose to listen to what pigeons have to say.

I used to think pigeons were a conspiracy unto their own; an avian cult, if you will. But now I realize they are really working for the government.

Just this morning I saw two pigeons tappy tapping their little tappy bird feet on the platform of the el and I realized in horror that they were in fact tapping out Morse code. Silently I waited for the words to come to me (I am an expert Morse code encoder. I have a t-shirt that says so. And a Morse code encoder ring).

I waited for one train to pass. Then another. The groups of people on the platform ebbed and flowed as the morning crowds slowly changed from commuters to losers without jobs. I waited while the CTA man came and cleaned out the garbage bins. I lifted my legs as he swept under the bench I was on. I watched the traffic light below change from green to yellow to red maybe fifty or sixty times. And still, the pigeons sat tappy tapping their little tappy toes while I assiduously and mentally documented their message:

Pigeon #1: Government eavesdropping. Finding not much.
Pigeon #2: Americans very concerned with American Idol results. Massive economic push to spy on people who are up to nothing.
Pigeon #1: I love it when people litter.
Pigeon #2: Me too, popcorn kernels are best.
Pigeon #1: Really? I can't eat popcorn kernels, makes me constipated.
Pigeon #2: Too bad, they're good.


Concert Review: John Butler Trio

by Razz Trumble
Music Guy

Finally, the Editorial Board of Lost Blueprint has unlocked the chastity belt around the finances and doled out some fundage so that this writer could actually do his job. Geez. Despite the fact that I had to arm wrestle The Blog Host to get the cash, I am happy to say I can finally honor my contract and tell The Readership all about a really great show.

Also, this is being published well after the date of the show since the Lost Blueprint Editorial Board has been very busy revising its mission statement. They are preeminent, they can do that.

The John Butler Trio is from Australia. I did not hear one person say anything about shrimp on the barby, most likely because we were watching the show in Chicago at the venerable Vic theater. I did hear someone say, "Did he just announce the final score of the Cubs game?" This was an unanswerable question as all dialogue between JBT and the audience came in the form of indistinguishable garbling.

But none of us were there to talk. We were there for the music, and that came through loud and clear. The John Butler Trio has jam band tendencies, but they're not annoying about it and they're really good musicians so they can get away with it. The drummer rocks. There was an upright bass. Lots of yummy layered music. Cool lyrics. Audience participation--the best when Mr. Trio sang "Peaches and Cream" and then let the audience finish it off by singing the refrain ("All I know is that I love you . . . "). It was moving. An entire venue of people singing I love you is good. It was a religious experience.

They played for two hours. I wanted them to play longer, but probably they were tired and also, I didn't have any more money for beer. The show was sold out. If you get the chance to see these guys, you should jump at the chance.