Why Aren't the Sox in the Playoffs?

by Paint Thompson

It is absolutely shocking to this reporter that the glorious Chicago White Sox are not in the playoffs. According to a Chicago White Sox representative that I did not interview, the reason the team is not playing in the post season is, "Because we're not. Geez."

More insightful comments came from the following people I did interview:

Mike in the mailroom: "Relief pitching. The relief pitchers fucked up."

Sheila in the cafeteria: "Honey, they just kept messin' up. And they had that string of bad luck back, when was that? Well, they had that string of bad luck. And that candy bar ain't free, you know."

Jeremy, officemate: "Who cares? Cubs rule!"

Clearly, Jeremy is a monster.