ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS DEAD

by Prissy McMouth

Here is the headline on Yahoo this morning: "Why We cared About Anna." Subhead: "She persevered when others would have given up."

Using my sharply refined reporterly skills, I smelled a hypocritical rat and subsequently did a search of headlines about Anna Nicole Smith before she died. My search yielded the following descriptions of the former model: Gold digger, illiterate, pill popper, drunk, media whore, and one particularly harsh article that described her as "a train wreck of a waste of space."

So, gentle reader, here is the lesson to learn here: If you are suffering from an image problem and you are sick of people thinking you are a no talent ass clown, try death. It will do wonders for your image. It will elevate you from being the butt of everyone's jokes to being a strong-hearted human who perseveres through adversity.

And remember: The media loves you.