INTERNATIONAL NEWS

by Mandy Meander
International Correspondent

Lost Blueprint is expanding its operations and now we're going to cover international affairs and the people having them.

I was assigned to cover the Pope's trip to Turkey (the Pope--official motto: Stop fucking, pagans!), which would have been great if I could've actually traveled to Turkey or at least had a friend who traveled to Turkey and carried some sort of recording device and a press pass and who also had access to the entourage the Pope is no doubt dragging through Turkey and who also did not laugh like Beavis and Butthead any time someone said the word, "Turkey" or "Pope."

None of these things have materialized, however, which is going to make covering the story somewhat difficult. But only if I'm required to state facts, which I'm not. I'm required to make predictions.

I predict the Pope will fuck up again and say something rude and callous like, "I so don't get why you ass wipes are so pissed." I also think the state of relations between the Middle East and the West will gradually deteriorate in the coming months. Though, what shithead can't see that coming? I also think you should read this for a factually accurate account of the Pope's trip to Turkey.